Inadequacy

I struggled with this post.

I wanted it to speak truthfully of where I am in life right now, but I didn’t want it to be too somber because you all haven’t heard from me in a while.

Quite honestly, I thought that no one wanted to hear about my pain. I’m supposed to portray this person that has it altogether. I’m supposed to be this shining beacon of hope that has all the answers, that encourages. …At least I feel like I do. And this is so even if I haven’t reached the pinnacles of notoriety, which I hope to one day. 

Truth is, I have had some particularly dark days and I am the one that can use some encouragement every now and then.

That said, I love my best friend. Talking to her helps me to gain insight to what’s going on with Tammie at the core. She provides such a caring, empathic and judgment-free space for me to tell her what’s really bothering me. Many of our talks have bought forth revelations that were at the edge of my consciousness, waiting to be bought into focus.

When we spoke recently, I just kept saying “I feel inadequate.”

I have since I was a child and it never stopped for me.

“But you have accomplished so much, “ my friend almost pleaded with me.

“That’s to spite what I really think about myself,” I told her.

One of the purposes of this blog was to help me to see myself the way others see me. My pictures were tangible evidence that I could measure up in some ways that I thought I couldn’t over the years. I wanted to stop the disturbing tape-recorder messages inside my head that constantly reinforced that I was not enough, and see myself as if I were doing so for the first time.

Here lately on the blog I am sharing encouragement, which I too could benefit.

I know pain and I don’t want anyone to suffer the mental anguish that feeling inadequate causes. It’s quite crippling and it disarms a person from living the life they truly deserve.

I realize that is part of the reason why I have been so stagnant on this platform.  I have been through so much this year without much time to recover. Maybe now is the time to stop and do so before I move any further.

I have been going to life groups at my church and it has been really supportive. I shared with my life group leader some of my feelings of inadequacy and she gave me a list. I haven’t really picked it up until now. Sometimes I have the tendency to do for others what I should do for myself. Nonetheless I am going to share with you who God says you are (just in case you need reminders like me).

You are adequate II Corintians3:5-6, Philippians 4:1-3

You have strength Daniel 11:32, Psalm 37:39

You are free Psalm 32:7, II Corinthians 3:17

You are perfectly loved John 15:9, Romans 8:38-39, Ephesians 2: 4-5, 5:1

You have eternal security 1John 5:11-13, John 10: 27-30

You are a new creation II Corinthians 5:17

You are created for good works Ephesians 2:10, Psalms 37;23

You are protected Psalm 32:7

You are never alone Hebrews 13:5, Romans 8:38-39

You are accepted and worthy Romans 15:7, Psalm 139

Earrings: DSW/Jumpsiut: ASOS/Shoes: Payless Predictions Comfort Plus/Shades: Borrowed